I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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