11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
