he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
