did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
