I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
