i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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