On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
