Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
