I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
