Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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