Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He did a backflip because drugs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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