if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
