More tranny stories later!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
