Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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