What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
