You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
