1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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