Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
