he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
