Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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