I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
