Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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