Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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