New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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