I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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