He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
