I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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