Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
