why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
