Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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