Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
