Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
