I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The Olympian is in my bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
