he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
