You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
