Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
