She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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