Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
