OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
