Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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