so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
