i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
