he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
