I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
40s are totally the cure
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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