Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
