If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
