How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
