this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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