i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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