so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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