talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
