So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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