He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
