Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
