I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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