just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
