Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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